I Shot Proof

I have to attend a wedding this weekend, which is (for me) about as much fun as a colonoscopy. I enjoyed my own, no doubt, but the happiness of other people generally sickens me. I feel the same way about small children. Love my own, but probably don't like yours (except Adrien).

Last wedding I went to was for a bowling friend of my wife, who I have often described to people as having the sort of personality that "makes you want to vomit." It's true, I swear. After a few vodka tonics at the open bar, I finally relented on my position and admitted to my good friend Jenn that I was open to possibly...maybe...changing my hardline opinion about the bride. Just as I proclaimed this, the bride's characteristically shrill voice cut through the air like a knife, "Everyone come take pictures of me by the fireplace. I look totally HOT."

I looked back at Jenn and smiled. "Well, poop all over that idea," I said.